by Jean Allen
I may have been the only person at the Good Friday Liturgy thinking about this week’s gospel about Doubting Thomas. But in my defense, the reason I was thinking about that text was because of the Good Friday Gospel reading where Jesus was given sour wine and after he received the wine, he said, “’It is finished.’ Then he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.” Whenever that is read on Good Friday, my heart feels the wrenching grief and shock of all of his followers who witnessed that. Dead. Gone. Done. The end. All over. Sobs of anguish won’t bring him back.
It was probably a need for comfort that made my mind skip ahead to this week’s Gospel where the disciples were locked, not only in a room but also in the fresh wounds of their shredded hearts. The light bursts in upon them. Jesus is there! Alive and full of joy, forgiveness, healing and consolation.
We’re supposed to be reflecting on the doubt in Thomas but did Thomas doubt in the way we normally think of doubt: disbelief born out of cynicism, lack of faith and hardness of heart? Or were his statements of doubt just self-preservation because his grief could not take any more disappointments or any more betrayal of hope? When Jesus said, “Do not doubt but believe,” was he not saying, “Believe you are loved; you are not excluded,”? When he said, purportedly just to Thomas, “Have you believed because you have seen me?” I think he was talking to all the disciples. None of them had believed before they saw Jesus – and none of them immediately proclaimed Jesus as Lord and God, like Thomas did.
One lesson of this Gospel is that Jesus not only wants us to believe in his resurrected life but he also wants our belief to be bound up by an inner experience of his love, love that comes to us even when we struggle with belief. No, we have not seen him, but we believe we can have relationship.
And we are so blessed.





